Without a Goodbye
by ZS Fan
Summary: Before he gained his monstrous strength, he knew a girl who was kind to the unsociable him. Before he started loving humans, he knew a boy who accepted the lonely him. But leaving without a goodbye brings pain to both hearts. There's no way the flea can be his Iza-chan, and it's impossible for that monster to be his Shizu-chan. Slight AU Shizaya
1. Chapter 1

_"__Shizu-chan! Shizu-chaaaan!"_

_"__What is it?"_

_"__I learned a new song! It's called Ode to Joy and it's by Beethoven!"_

_"__Beeth….?"_

_"__Beethoven, Shizu-chan! You know, the famous composer and pianist!"_

_"__Really? That's great, Izaya. How many songs have you learnt already?"_

_"__I don't know, but I can't count with both hands! And Shizu-chan, it's Iza-chan, remember?!"_

_"…__.Uh Iza-c-chan….?"_

_"__That's right! Eh Shizu-chan why is your face so red?"_

_"__N-Nothing…!"_

_"__Eh? Strange Shizu-chan…anyway how is Shizu-chan's progress?"_

_"__It's nothing much…"_

_"__Ah….is that so, hey Shizu-chan do you want to hear me play?"_

_"__Uh, I have to finish this piece…."_

_"__Please?"_

_"…__I guess it can't be helped."_

_"__Yay! Come, come Shizu-chan! Maybe Shizu-chan can learn Ode to Joy too, there's also a violin version! Then we can do a duet!"_

_"…__..No! That's embarrassing."_

_The brown haired boy pushed the other boy away, a blush covering his cheeks. Musical laughter filled the air and he turned to see the black haired boy smiling happily, his eyes sparkling._

_"__Shizu-chan's so cute~!"_

_"__S-Shut up!"_

_The small black haired boy hopped over, tugging at the other boy's shirt sleeve._

_"__Hey Shizu-chan, do you like me?"_

_"__Eh?"_

_"__People don't like me," the raven haired boy said. "Even though I like them. Oh but I like Shizu-chan most, of course!" He beamed up at the other boy with bright red eyes._

_"__So, does Shizu-chan like me?"_

_"__S-Stupid!" The brown haired boy said, but quickly corrected when he saw the hurt look in big red eyes. "D-Do you even have to ask? Of course I like you!"_

_"__Really? Shizu-chan doesn't seem to like the other kids, but Shizu-chan likes me?"_

_"…__.Is that a problem?"_

_The black haired boy blinked at the serious look in the other boy's eyes. Then he wrapped his arms around the boy he called 'Shizu-chan', and smiled a smile memorable enough to be in someone's memory for ten years._

_"__Not at all, Shizu-chan."_

_..._

_..._

"Shizuo-kun! Shizuoooo-kuuun!"

"What do you want, Shinra?"

"Why are you spacing out? Don't tell me, you're thinking of the girl you like?!"

"As if."

"….Eh? What's with that non-violent reaction? Is it really - !"

He darts out of the way before the dangerous hand could grab his neck and crush his windpipe, a nervous smile on his lips.

"I was just kidding, Shizuo!"

"Tch!"

Shizuo looks away, and Shinra creeps slowly, like a curious child towards a rainbow grasshopper he had found in the garden.

"Seriously though, what were you so mad about just now? You just stormed out of the classroom once class ended!"

"The fucking louse is in my class this year."

"Oh yeah that, but you don't have to get so mad! It's not like it's the first time he's taunted you. Just ignore him."

"How can I ignore him when he's always hopping around like a FUCKING FLEA?!"

People around jolt in fright at the sound of the blond teenager's roar, but Shinra merely winces and continues as if he hadn't been interrupted –

"Well I don't know, but Izaya thrives on attention. If you ignore him, he'll be more likely to grow bored of you…..anyway Shizuo were you telling the truth?"

"Huh?"

"You know, in your self introduction you said you play the violin."

"Oh that. Yeah I used to play it, long ago. I don't play it anymore."

"Woah….you totally don't look the type – wait how come I don't know about this?! I've been your only friend for years! Do you not trust me and our friendship, Shizuo?! Have all my efforts getting you to open your heart to me, your best friend, gone to waste?!"

"Tsk," Shizuo says as Shinra dramatically yells, and messes up his hair until he looks like the mad scientist he is, gaining weird looks that are nothing new to him. His brows are furrowed in annoyance, but there's something in his eyes Shinra doesn't recognize. "It was before I met you."

"….Ah I see, you must have been really young."

"Hm." Shizuo says, chin on his hand. He's not really listening to Shinra, but to words of the past.

...

**A few hours earlier**

**...**

_"_I'm Minami Keiko, I like swimming. I'm happy to meet you all. Please take care of me!"

"Matsumoto Yasu. Something about me huh…well, I like sleeping. I'm really lazy and I don't like homework at all. Please take care of me."

"Um, I'm Kimiko Hikari. I like many things, but I don't like sleeping, I feel quite restless. I mean no offence, Matsumoto-kun!"

"Haha no offence taken, Hikari-chan!"

"O-Okay….um, please take care of me!"

"Right. Next."

There's silence. Shizuo's staring out of the window in reality but staring into the past in his mind, only aware that it's the time for self-introductions but not really caring.

"-jima-kun! Heiwajima-kun!"

"….Huh?"

He says, and then notices the class has their eyes on him, though those eyes are full of wariness.

"It's your….turn."

Even the teacher seems hesitant, as if he believes Shizuo would throw the table at him for speaking to him. But he's used to it, so he stands up like the rest.

"My name is Heiwajima Shizuo, and I…."

He pauses, unsure on what to say. Something about himself. The first thing that comes to his mind is that he hates Orihara Izaya, but he doesn't want to waste his self-introduction on that louse. The second thing is that he hates violence, but he doesn't really want to talk about his infamous strength.

"Heiwajima-kun?"

"…I play the violin." A series of surprised looks. "Sorry. I mean, I played the violin. In the past. I'm not sure if that counts."

"…..That's interesting to know, Heiwajima-kun." The teacher says, unable to imagine Raijin High's most infamous delinquent handling a musical instrument. "Why did you stop?"

He blinks in surprise, not expecting a question of genuine curiosity. But then he shrugs, and says the truth.

"I didn't want to break it with my strength. I've broken a lot of things but that's the one thing I can't break. Because it's a memory of someone important to me."

And he sits down in the surprised silence that follows, feeling he has said too much but not really caring. Because saying the words makes it real, instead of like a dream as it often seems, and he's delving back into memories of the past, wishing he could see that important person again, wishing he had at least had the courage to say goodbye.

But he didn't, because he didn't want her to look at him with eyes of fear like everyone else, didn't want her to see him as the monster he was. At least, by leaving without a word of goodbye, hopefully, if she still remembered him, she would remember him as the shy boy he had been, and not the monster he had grown to be.

His nostalgic reminder of the past is shattered by two claps which shock him back to reality, followed by a voice that makes him want to fly across the room to punch its owner in the face.

"Heh…..Shizu-chan plays the violin huh? How surprising!"

Shizuo's fingernails leave what look like claw marks on his desk.

"Oh sorry, I meant, played. Since it's Shizu-chan who's such a monster after all, it's good that Shizu-chan finally shows some sense and knows such a monster like him shouldn't handle a delicate musical instrument! Not like me, who's a proficient pianist!"

Cracks appear in Shizuo's desk.

"- Or not. Eh music is boring, humans are more interesting! Oh why are you looking at me like that, Shizu-chan? You don't believe I play the piano? Haha! You have good instincts! I lied~ I'm surprised you didn't fall for it. I wanted to see how angry Shizu-chan would get when his most hated person shares a hobby with him! Hahahahaha!"

"YOU-!"

"H-Heiwajima-kun!"

"Maybe I should have said I also play the violin instead? Ahhh I really pity Shizu-chan's important person, when she sees what a monster you are, there's no way she'll like you back! Eh or has she already seen? Haha – HAHAHAHAHA – u-ugh –"

"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE SPEAK ONE WORD FROM YOUR FILTHY MOUTH ABOUT HER!"

"Ha…haha….-uwah- is she that –important – argh…."

"Heiwajima-kun! That's enough!"

"AND STOP CALLING ME 'SHIZU-CHAN', THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON WHO CAN CALL ME THAT, AND IT'S FUCKING NOT YOU!"

Shizuo slams Izaya's head so hard against his desk it creates a huge dent, and a familiar voice shouts, "Hey, Shizuo! That's enough! If you squeeze so hard he's really going to die!"

Indeed, Izaya's not smirking anymore, his eyes are glazed over and there's a look of restrained panic on his expression. Shizuo glares, gives one last warning squeeze which makes the flea choke and then turns and stomps back to his seat.

"O-Orihara-kun, are you alright?"

"Ah….hahaha….I'll survive, Sensei. Oh more importantly, can I have my desk replaced? There's a huge dent on it left by a monster and I can't write on this kind of uneven surface."

The teacher looks warily at Shizuo, but he's looking away, hazel eyes blazing with such a furious fire even he doesn't dare to meet his gaze. "I'll look into it…Orihara-kun."

"Thanks, Sensei! Oh what's with the silence in this room, lovely humans? Weren't you giving such lovely self-introductions? Well, I suppose it's my turn to return the favour!"

Shizuo clenches his fist, the scraping of Izaya's chair across the floor is like fingernails across his skull.

"I'm Orihara Izaya, and my name is an aptronym, as I'm sure you can see. The greatest thing about me is that I love humans! I love them all! There is no exception to my love for humans, oh except Shizu-chan of course. But it isn't really an exception, since Shizu-chan is a monster, not a human. That's why, I hate Shizu-chan."

The class waits as if expecting Izaya to say something more, but he doesn't, instead sitting down with a strange little wry smile on his face.

"Right…" the teacher says to break the deadly silence between the two most dangerous boys of Raijin High. He clears his throat, and attempts to bring back some semblance of normalcy.

"Kishitani-kun, it's your turn."

_..._

"You know, I kind of regret it."

"Eh?"

Shinra says, surprised to see Shizuo starting a topic on his own.

"About the past. That important person I talked about…I kind of regret not saying goodbye."

Shinra gives him a questioning look, and Shizuo continues. "Like I said, it was before I met you. Before I got this strength." He lowers his gaze to his hand, "I was just a normal boy, and I met this kid, this girl. At least I think she was a girl, because she was cute and really pretty. She had the most amazing eyes and beautiful smile…..anyway yeah. I met her when my mother signed me up for music lessons."

"Back then, even without my strength, I was a loner. I didn't speak much, and didn't see the point of interacting with other kids. I'm not that social anyway. It's kind of hazy since it's been so many years….but she approached me. She was an energetic kid compared to me, but she was kind. Even without my strength, I wasn't the popular kid or anything. So there was no reason for someone like her to approach me. But she did. We spent time together and became best friends. I liked her."

Shizuo pauses, inhales, then continues at a slower pace.

"I really….liked her. I thought of confessing sometimes, but I was too…..shy I guess. I could only say I liked her as a friend. And when I finally plucked up my courage, that incident happened. And then the rest of my time was filled by violence and trips to the hospital."

"I see…."

"Yeah. Whatever courage I had, faded away at my newfound violent strength. Of all people, I didn't want her to see me as a monster, I didn't want her to look at me in fear. I didn't dare to go see her, and I told my mother I was quitting the music lessons. I kept my violin and never touched it, and I've never seen her since that day."

Shizuo exhales a shaky breath, smiling wryly as he gives a dry laugh -

"Thinking of it…..I'm such a coward. But thinking of her…..makes me really miss her. If I could turn back time and tell her my feelings I would. Hell, if I ever had the good fortune to meet her one day, if she remembers me, I'd apologize for leaving her without a word, and confess like how I should have done so long ago. It doesn't matter if she hates me, I think I'd be satisfied with getting these feelings out of my heart. ….Haha….I really am selfish, aren't I?"

"Well love is selfish, after all."

"…..Love?"

Shizuo looks lost at the word, and Shinra smiles.

"Thinking so fondly of her…wanting to meet her again….hurting because you left her…..isn't that love?"

"Is it? I don't really know."

"That's fine. But I'm pretty sure you're in love." Shinra smiles in bemusement. His eyes glint. "So, what is this precious girl's name?"

"….I don't remember."

"You don't remember her name? Then how are you gonna find her?!"

"….Iza-chan." Shizuo concedes. "She called me Shizu-chan, and she asked me to call her Iza-chan."

"..Iza-chan?" Shinra smiles nervously. "Doesn't that sound like a certain someone –"

"No."

The single word chilled Shinra's bones. He raised his gaze, to see cold hazel eyes.

"Don't even think it. Her name isn't Izaya. I don't know what her name is but there's no fucking way her name can be the same as that damn louse's. And even if it was the same, it's an insult to compare her to that fucking leech. It's probably Izami or Izumi or something. You know, a girl's name."

"But what if it is….?"

Shinra dares to venture, and then shivers afterwards as the surroundings seem to drop to sub zero temperature.

"Then I'll kill the louse. So she'd be the only one with the name 'Izaya'. It disgusts me to think of that fucking flea sharing anything in common with her."

"Yeah fuck, if her name really is Izaya I will fucking murder that louse! Not only does he dare to call me what she called me, now he dares to SHARE THE SAME NAME AS HER?! AND HE DARED TO EVEN INSINUATE THAT HE PLAYS THE PIANO LIKE HER?! I AM GOING TO KILL HIM! KILL KILL KILLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"

"R-Right….." Shinra puts up his shaking hands as there are suddenly no people in their vicinity. "So….her name is Izaya? What if Izaya is her?"

"What did you say?"

"W-Well it's a possibility-uguuugugug!"

"SORRY SHINRA, WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"G—UUUHH I didn't say anything! Aha-hahaha…."

Shinra coughs and holds his throat protectively when Shizuo releases him, inching away from the volatile blond.

"Right, I won't say anything more about the woman – wait, she isn't a woman since you two were kids, I mean, girl who captured your heart being related to Izaya. Because I'm sure she's not related to Izaya at all. Hahahaha. It must just be a coincidence, right?"

"Tch. Coincidence." Shizuo scoffs, not liking the word the flea used often. He stands up, and Shinra looks at him curiously.

"First off, she's a girl - well even if my memory is fucked up and she was actually a boy with feminine looks, she was kind, unlike that filthy flea. She approached me, a loner, and she had kindness in her eyes which the flea obviously lacks. Second, she wasn't prideful like that fucking flea, she was modest even though her piano playing was good. And third -"

Shizuo slams his fist onto the table, just as Shinra shifts away, as if he had predicted the action.

"- She was honest. And the day the flea is honest is the day fate gives me another fucked up thing besides my strength and makes Orihara Izaya her - which is like 0.00000000000000001%. In other words, fucking impossible."

Shizuo inhales deeply, puts his fist by his side, then speaks in a more controlled tone.

"I'm off to the restroom. Talking about the flea puts me in a bad mood."

"Sure. Break's ending soon though. Do you want me to wait for you?"

"Nah it's fine, go ahead."

Shizuo says simply, then walks away. Shinra waited until he was gone, then called out.

"How long are you going to keep on hiding?"

"...You caught me."

Izaya admits, coming up from behind the wall.

"And here I was just planning to be a fly on the wall."

"Flea or fly?" Shinra wonders aloud.

"So Izaya, is that girl you?"

"What girl?"

"Shizuo's girl. You play the piano, don't you?"

Izaya is silent for a while, and Shinra says, "Is that why you asked me if his name really is Shizuo last time?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Izaya says with a smooth smile. "I play the piano yes, but I don't remember ever attending music lessons. I came to eavesdrop because I knew you would bug Shizu-chan about it, and I wanted to see what kind of poor girl has to deal with Shizu-chan's monstrous affections."

"Really."

Izaya looks away from Shinra's dissecting gaze. "I don't remember the past."

"But the past is lonely." Shinra leans back, staring disinterestedly into empty air, "The past is lonely, that's why it'll catch up to you. Isn't that what you said? The past and memories are lonely things –"

"Shinra."

"I'm merely planning ahead." Shinra says without missing a beat at Izaya's sharp glance. "You see, if you and Shizuo both remember, maybe you two will finally get along –"

"That beast and I will never get along." Izaya says. "He doesn't listen to reason, and I can't listen to someone who doesn't listen to reason."

Shinra just looks at him, as if he has x-ray vision and can see Izaya's heart pounding hard in his rib cage.

"….That Shizuo," Izaya finally says, "Had brown hair. He was a shy kid, and he would blush when I called him Shizu-chan. He treated his musical instrument very carefully, and when I told him I had learnt many songs, he wasn't jealous like the other kids, he was happy for me. I pretended to be happy I had learnt a song I had already learnt so I could get him to watch me play but even if he knew my repertoire of songs was much more than what I said it was, I don't think he would have minded. Because he called me amazing."

"What a coincidence," Shinra says, "Shizuo said he was a shy kid who didn't dare to confess to you."

"Confess to the girl you mean." Izaya says.

"On the off chance that that girl Shizu-chan likes has the same name as me, in which case I would question the sanity of her parents, it's a coincidence because I'm not her. I'm not a girl. And he's not him. He would never be such a beast, he listened to reason, and he never hit me."

"People change." Shinra comments.

"I've never changed." Izaya says. He smiles softly, a fond look in his eyes Shinra never thought he would ever see.

"I've never changed, I just showed him a different side of me."

And then he turns and walks away, raising a casual hand as he does.

"Oh by the way, my Shizu-chan, and _not_ that beast, never called me Iza-chan. He always called me Izaya. Honestly, it disgusts me to think that that monster could ever be my precious Shizu-chan. Even though I'll never see him again, I'd like Heiwajima Shizuo to not taint my memory of _my Shizu-chan_."

"I see," Shinra leans his cheek on his hand with a wry smile. "Then why do you call him Shizu-chan?"

But Izaya is already gone, and Shinra's words are left to empty air. But Shinra just smiles as if he had expected it. He places his palms on the table and pushes himself up from his seat, shaking his head and speaking as if to his own love –

"Ahhh Celty….it's so troublesome to be the friend of those two."


	2. Chapter 2

"Shizu-cha – eh? He's not here!"

"Ah, Shizuo-kun is on sick leave today, Orihara-kun."

"Ehhhh?! Shizu-chan is sick?! What happened to him?! Is he okay?!"

"He's in the hospital from injuries…" The violin teacher said, looking somewhat uncomfortable.

"What? Then I must go visit Shizu-chan! Which hospital is he in, sensei?!"

"I'm afraid I can't say, Orihara-kun. That's confidential information."

"Will he come back?"

"Of course, when he's well."

"Oh okay!" The black haired boy cheered up, eyes lighting up again. "Then, I will wait for him to come back! I'll learn a new song and play it for him when he's back!"

The man smiled kindly.

"I'm sure Shizuo-kun will be happy to hear it, Orihara-kun."

…

"….Shizu-chan's still not here?"

"I'm afraid not."

"But it's been weeks…."

"Yes it has."

"…You're hiding something."

"Eh?"

"You're hiding something, sensei," the raven haired boy repeated, narrowing his eyes. "Tell me the truth. What happened to Shizuo?"

"…"

The man gave a sigh as if to say 'this kid's sharp', then spoke.

"Shizuo-kun gave up music lessons."

"What?"

"Shizuo-kun is no longer enrolled here."

"..Since when?"

"Since two weeks ago."

"And you didn't tell me because?"

"Well Orihara-kun, you never asked."

"I never asked?" The black haired boy said. He smirked wryly. "'Shizu-chan's still not here?' Is that not a question?"

"Orihara-kun….."

"'I'm afraid not' – is one possible reply but doesn't really tell me anything. The reply I was expecting and deserved to receive as Shizu-chan's friend was a reason, such as 'Shizuo-kun is no longer enrolled here' You know, the truth. 'You never asked' is merely an evasion to avoid the truth. So sensei, I'm very sure I asked and your logic is rendered invalid."

"O-Orihara-kun…." The man stared at the boy who suddenly seemed much older than his physical appearance suggested.

The child smiled sharply. "Could you pass me a violin, sensei?"

Speechless, the man could only obey. He watched as the small boy positioned the violin perfectly, lifted the bow, and began to play.

Smooth music with a melancholy touch filled the room for the next minute. The boy's eyes were stoic, and his music conveyed the emotions his eyes couldn't convey.

He drew out the last note, and silence filled the room.

"That's…."

"Ode to Joy by Ludwig van Beethoven," the boy said, "This is the song I wanted Shizu-chan to learn so we could do a duet."

"Yes I can play the violin, because Shizu-chan plays the violin, I was interested in it. Even though I prefer the piano, I was thinking of enrolling in violin lessons so I could spend more time with Shizu-chan. Of course, I would ask Shizu-chan to teach me, keep up my pretence of not knowing anything about the violin so he would guide me."

"How…."

"Manipulative?" He smirked. "What does it matter? As long as I can have Shizu-chan's attention, as long as I can be with him, it doesn't matter how I do it."

"But since Shizu-chan is no longer here, there's no point." He stooped and placed the violin on the ground, then stood up again, giving a mock bow to the stunned man whom he was sure had never met a child like him.

"On behalf of Shizuo, thank you for your services, Sensei."

…

…

"Ah, Izaya-kun! You're late today."

"My apologies, sensei." He said with a smooth smile tinged with hidden secrets, "I was making preparations."

"Preparations?"

"That's right." He said to the surprised woman. "Thank you for teaching me, but I'm not enrolled here any longer. I came today to pass up the official documents."

To clarify his statement, he raised the papers up to his shocked teacher.

"This is the official form for declaration of departure which I got from the receptionist. Oh and this," a wad of bills accompanied the papers. "Is the payment for this month."

"But Izaya-kun…." the woman said as she carefully took the papers from the little boy. "For such a declaration, it has to be made by your parents."

"Their signatures are there."

"No I mean, if you want to leave, the one who enrolled you, which is your mother, has to hand this up personally."

"And he has."

"Eh?"

"I enrolled myself." Izaya said. "I lied. My mother didn't enrol me. My mother and father are overseas."

"B-But -!"

"If you're concerned about parental consent, rest assured they've already given me permission when I contacted them through email. If you want, I could print out a copy of the email as proof."

"E-Email?!"

"That's right, oh I also told another lie, my parents didn't transfer money over to your bank account because they were overseas. Well the fact that they are overseas isn't a lie, but I'm the one who's been transferring the payment over to your bank account, sensei. Because it's so troublesome to count money, electronic transactions are much more convenient. Ah but since this is the last time we're seeing each other, I decided to bring it to you in hard cash for once."

"Then, these signatures….."

"Are by me. Because my parents are overseas, I had no choice. I hope you can overlook this instance of forgery for once, sensei."

The woman stared, as she realized she was dealing with an unusually intelligent child who could possibly be a prodigy. She inhaled to control her emotions, then spoke.

"This is all very surprising, Izaya-kun. However, are you sure you do not want to continue? You are very talented with the piano, and you could grow up to be a great musician."

"I'm already a great musician."

"Well yes – you are a great musician, but you could be better."

"No." Izaya said bluntly. "I am a greater musician than what you think. I haven't been showing you my real skills."

"….Is there anything we could do to make you stay?"

"Direct and to the point, I like it." Izaya said. He smiled. "But sorry to disappoint, but my answer still remains the same. No. Unless you can bring Shizu-chan back to me, there is nothing you can do. I have already left."

The woman stared at the child who suddenly seemed like a different person, before she registered his words.

"Shizu-chan? Do you mean Shizuo-kun?" Izaya nodded. "Well, I can't bring him back to you, but I'm sure you can find another friend –"

"I don't want anyone else." Izaya hissed so dangerously the woman stopped talking. "I don't want anyone else! Don't try to convince me! I don't want anyone else! I only want Shizu-chan! I ONLY WANT SHIZU-CHAN!"

"We were supposed to do a duet of Ode to Joy! We were supposed to do a duet of Moonlight Sonata together someday! I was supposed to visit his house and see the brother he talked about! We were supposed to be best friends! We were supposed to be together forever! So why? Why did he leave me?! Why didn't he even say goodbye?!"

"Izaya-kun…."

The woman said in sympathy to the boy who had tears running down his face. She reached out a hand, but he pushed it away roughly.

"Don't touch me."

"…."

She pulled her hand away, swallowing down her instincts to comfort the crying child. Because he was unlike any other child she had ever met, but deep inside, he was still a child.

A child who had lost his only friend.

Her heart went out to him, but his heart was clearly somewhere else. So she remained silent, gripping the papers in her hand tightly as she watched the little boy cry.

"Izaya-kun," she said to the little boy when she couldn't take his crying face anymore. "I understand that you're devastated, and I understand why you're leaving. Even though my words may not mean much, you're one of the most talented students I've ever had the pleasure of teaching, and I hope you will still continue to play the piano in the future. Please don't let this incident scar you from playing the piano again."

"Sensei," he said, "I'm sure you read shoujo manga. In shoujo manga, best friends are always childhood friends who grew up together. So why is reality different?"

"..Because reality is unkind, and contains circumstances we can't help, Izaya-kun. I'm sure Shizuo-kun had a good reason for leaving you."

"In shoujo manga," Izaya said, "The bad boy always gets the girl. The bad boy is always a lonely, misunderstood soul. Even though I'm not competing for a girl's heart here, is that how it works? Are bad boys more likely to get sympathy, especially if they're good looking? If I become a bad boy, will I meet Shizu-chan again in the future and will he cure my wounded heart?"

"I don't know, Izaya-kun," his teacher said honestly. "However, if you become bad, people will dislike you. You will be ostracized from society, and I'm sure you wouldn't want that."

"I already am."

"You would be ostracized even more, and I'm sure Shizuo-kun wouldn't want that for you." The woman said. She sighed, but gave a smile. "You're wise for your age, Izaya-kun. Even though you're hurt, please think things through carefully. Don't do anything you would regret in the future."

She inclined her head towards the silent child.

"It was a genuine pleasure to teach you, Izaya-kun. I hope you will meet Shizuo-kun again in the future."

Her high heels clicked in the silence that followed, and the door closed quietly behind her, leaving him alone in the room.

"…"

Footsteps sounded as he walked to the piano. He sat down on the familiar chair, raised his hands, and began to play.

It was hard to describe the music that engulfed the room. The song was sad and played smoothly, but with a vigorous touch, as if beholding the frustration and hurt the pianist was feeling. His fingers moved gracefully across the keys, in contrast to his trembling body. They sketched out the song as if they had created it themselves, with a quiet intensity which reflected the raging emotions in tearful crimson eyes.

There was silence in the room save for the beautiful music. Even if he had not been the only one there, the room would still be silent save for the music from the piano, as it was played in such a way that it would bring awe and stun to any visitor's eyes.

But there was no one save for him in the big room. His teacher had left to give him some privacy. His only friend was not there.

He was alone.

It was indeed a pity that there was no one but him to listen to his beautiful music. But the boy didn't care about that. He knew he was good. He knew he was better than good. He had always known.

All he cared about was that his reason for staying was gone, and that his dreams were shattered, and the bond he had childishly thought would last forever was broken. All he cared about was that that something new, that ray of hope in his darkness of loneliness had faded away before he even knew.

The music abruptly stopped, because the player couldn't finish the song.

"Why?"

_BANG_

It was the sound of discord from the piano keys being slammed down all at once by trembling fingers.

"WHY?!"

The fingers moved again, this time playing a different song, a song with no restraint, fast and vicious and furious. A song which was composed from the raging melody in his heart.

"What did I do wrong?"

"Why did you leave me?!"

"You were supposed to stay –"

_BANG BANG BANG_

"YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO LEAVE ME ALONE!"

BANG BANG

Sudden silence, as fingers slipped off the abused keys.

"I hate…this..."

"I don't want...this...!"

But he was a child too smart and aware for his age, and he knew he was in a situation with no way to get out.

The boy clutched at his shirt, over his hurting heart.

"I hate…humans."

Tears slipped down his pale cheeks, his eyes filled with contempt as he remembered the one who had betrayed him and broken his trust.

"Even you…even you left."

He watched as the piano cover slowly lowered, a broken smile on his lips.

"I hate you."

He rested his elbows on the piano cover, a choked sob involuntarily leaving his throat –

"That's right."

As he stared forward at his own image reflected in glossy black with eyes that had lost their light.

"So that this heart won't break –"

His fingernails dug into the fabric covering his heart beating wildly against his ribcage.

"I'll hate you the most…..Shizu-chan."

…

…

…

"…Kasuka."

"What?"

"Aren't you….afraid of me?"

It was evening, and the sun was setting in the orange sky. Two brown haired boys sat on the structure in the isolated park.

"Not really."

The boy's sombre gaze did not change, but his shoulders relaxed slightly. He had his elbows resting on his knees and his gaze lowered as he spoke.

"Why?"

The other brown haired boy shrugged, his expression as emotionless as ever.

"There's no reason to be."

"….."

The first boy leaned backward, hesitantly raising his gaze to the sun which set over the melancholic scene.

"That woman…..I hurt her."

"You didn't mean to."

"But I still did."

Kasuka said nothing, merely raising his gaze to look at his brother with emotionless black eyes.

"If you could control your strength, you wouldn't have hurt her. Isn't that what's important?"

"….Yeah."

A peaceful silence settled over the two boys as they immersed themselves in their own individual thoughts.

"Kasuka?"

"What is it?"

"There's….someone I left behind."

"Are they important?"

"Yeah."

"Then you shouldn't have left them behind."

"I know. But, I met them before I gained this strength….I was afraid."

The brown haired boy spoke slowly, as if he was trying to comprehend his own emotions.

"It makes me a coward….but I was really afraid. And I still am. I….liked that person. That's why….I left. They're probably hurt….but it's better. It's better than if I hurt them with my strength like I will if I meet them. Because if I hurt that person…..I really don't know what I'll do. I…..wouldn't be able to forgive myself."

His brother remained silent, so he continued.

"That person's strong….so even if they cry, they'll probably get right back up, stronger than before. So…..it's fine. It's better if they don't know, so they won't be afraid….of me."

He paused, then smiled bitterly, burying his face in his knees.

"I'm….really weak, aren't I?"

"…..."

The boy with emotionless eyes looked towards his brother, his words as devoid of emotion as his eyes were even though he spoke them from his heart.

"You're not weak, brother. You're just kind."


End file.
